I didn’t have a plan that night. I just showed up at her door five minutes late so I didn’t come across as too eager, handed her a bottle of wine, and settled in the couch. Soon, the conversation was totally consumed by tales of Peter again, and how they’d had a big fight the night before. Nathalie said she was so glad she’d found an outsider to talk to, because most of her friends were also his friends. At that point, I was already quite fed up with all her moaning about Peter, but I could tell there was something else going on. She was nervous. She kept twisting her wedding ring around and, just before we started to eat, she took it off. She said it didn’t fit her anymore anyway.

Over dinner we finished our second bottle of wine, and I got up from the table as good as plastered. I thought, if this woman could handle her men as well as her liquor, I would not be here. Then, while helping her clear the table, I broke a plate. I would have made such a bad impression, but obviously I hadn’t been drinking these bottles on my own. She didn’t care. I was in love and she knew it. There’s a certain charm about befriending a former crush. You may know it’s stupid, and you may know it’s for the wrong reasons, because if not you, then definitely the situation has changed, but you just can’t help it. I believe we call it nostalgia. And the nostalgia of revisiting a teenage crush is extremely powerful.

I wasn’t nervous because when I looked into her eyes, I could have sworn I almost saw her beg. Did I think it was a good idea to get involved with a married woman, whose husband could get me fired before my professional career had well and truly begun? Frankly, it didn’t even cross my mind. It’s not that I didn’t want to acknowledge that she was using me, it’s more that I desperately wanted her to. So, after dinner when we moved back to the couch, she sat down next to me, took my hand and didn’t leave me any choice.
“I’ve never kissed a woman before.”
“I know.”
“I have a feeling that may change tonight.”
“Really?”
“I know you want to kiss me.”
“You seem to know a lot of things.”
“I’m your boss. I have to know these things.”
“Yes, ma’am. You’re not behaving very professional at the moment though.”
“Like you care.”
“Oh I care, Mrs Stevens…”

And then I kissed her.

To be continued…