Alex and I had met at university and it was love at first sight. Well, platonic love that is, because he was the biggest poof I’d ever seen, and I, obviously, was batting for another team as well. I always fancied the more extravagant gays, not necessarily more feminine, just more daring. I mean, walking around in an electric blue velvet suit on the hottest day of the year does make a statement, even if it is a rather bizarre one. Alex was wearing exactly that when we met, accompanied by a white pearl necklace and a pair of white cut-off gloves. He said that it was too warm for a tie but he needed an extra accessory, so he chose the gloves. I used to call it his Madam Madness but he claimed that dressing according to his mood was very important to him. I believed him every time I saw him.

Shacking up with Alex was great for several reasons. He was excellent company, he never let me walk out of the door without adding an extra accessory to ‘lessen my crime against fashion’ and he had a vast harem of fag hags who loved coming round to our place. We would sit in his white leather couch for hours talking about his sex life and my lack thereof. Back then, I knew much more about gay sex than I did about lesbian sex. Yes, that was at the age of twenty-two.

Moving to London was my cue to brake my vow of silence and I soon told Alex all about Nathalie. It made me see how stupid I had been, but when you’re in the middle of a secret affair, you lose all sense of perspective. Maybe that’s how Nathalie wanted me to feel, fact is, at that moment in time, she was much smarter than me and she had played me masterfully. Alex never failed to point that out, then adding, with a wide smile, “It’s for your own good, Leesbian!” (Yes, sometimes he called me Leesbian.) After a couple of weeks of living together and getting reacquainted, Alex made it his mission to ‘get me some’.
“Right now love is of no importance, honey. You just need to get laid. Trust me,” he said. I trusted Alex, but only up to a certain point. Explaining to him that to most women one-night-stands were not that obvious an option, was like talking to a blind wall. He just wouldn’t have it and he wouldn’t rest until he had proven me otherwise − he was such a great friend.

One night I came home from work, suspecting absolutely nothing, when I found Alex and an unknown blond woman chatting in our living room. First I thought she was just another one of his hags I hadn’t met before, but then he suddenly stood up and said he had to go out for a while. He introduced me to Elizabeth and asked me if I wanted to entertain her for a bit while he gave me a big fat wink. That’s when it dawned on me that he had set me up with what looked like a professional in the field of bought romance. I couldn’t believe the lengths he’d go to prove his point. Elizabeth didn’t leave me much time to think though. Did I mention Alex was such a great friend?

To be continued…