Theresa took me to lunch all the time, but when she took me to Nobu on an ordinary Wednesday, I knew she was either trying to comfort me, asking me for a favour, or both.
“What are your plans for the weekend, Lee?”
“Oh you know, the same old miserable moping around, and waiting for the excitement of Monday morning, when I can start working for you again.”
“Great, then you won’t mind me asking you this. Can your calendar handle some unexpected work excitement on Sunday?”
“Depends, what level of excitement are we talking about?”
“I need you to pick up Claire Burns from Waterloo Station, escort her to her hotel and generally show her a good time.”
“Claire Burns as in the VP of the Paris office? Wasn’t she supposed to arrive next Sunday?”
“Yes, but sadly her schedule has changed.”
“And you want me to handle this because you trust me and I’m the best PA you’ve ever had?”
“That goes without saying. Also, Geoffrey and I are celebrating our twentieth wedding anniversary this weekend. He has all sorts of special activities planned. Work, as exciting as it is for you Lee, is not one of them.”
“Oh, I bet he has. Is he taking you to that special kind of party you’re not supposed to talk to strangers about?”
“You’re hardly a stranger, Lee. Anyway, would you rather I kept secrets from you?”
“Oh, I definitely would. But it’s too late now.”
“All jokes aside, are you up for this?”
“I guess. But just out of curiosity, what is the company policy on showing someone a good time?”
“In Claire’s case it’s easy, just take her to a good restaurant and a musical, buy her a bottle of nice red afterwards, and you’re good to go. But if you’d rather invite her to your flat, introduce her to Alex and take her to a gay bar, I’m sure she would be up for that as well. She’s very liberal that way.”
“Oh OK, so that’s why you’re asking me. Get the newest lesbian recruit to take the, as you put it, sexually liberal VP out. Good God Theresa, I feel so used.”
“I’m sure you do. Last time she visited, I sent Benny to meet her and she didn’t seem too pleased with that. But I’m sure you’ll do me proud, Lee.”
“Benny Evans? That dick from Accounts? Why would you send him?”
“Benny has certain manly qualities that some women can really appreciate, but I don’t expect you to understand.”
“I don’t think I want to understand.”
“Rightly so. Either way, Claire wasn’t too happy with his, shall we say, evocative ways. I’m sure you will be a much better fit. But do try to keep things professional.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’m just joking, Lee. You look like you could do with some cheering up.”
“Fair enough, boss. I’ll get in touch with her PA first thing.”
“Good, and thanks for doing this. My appreciation for you just keeps growing and growing.”
“My pleasure, boss. How long can I keep the expense account?”
“Oh Lee, you really have learnt from the best.”

So that’s how I found myself at Waterloo Station on a sunny Sunday afternoon, nervously waiting for the Eurostar from Paris to deliver Miss Claire Burns, Vice-President of the French branch of our agency, into my care. The first thing she said to me after having exchanged the compulsory pleasantries was, “You haven’t booked a musical for tonight, have you? I am really not in the mood for that.”

To be continued…