Being with Claire changed me. She pushed me completely out of my comfort zone, over and over again. She taught me to have an open mind, an open heart, and, well, an open relationship. She often claimed to be the first great love of my life, so it was her duty to influence me and guide me to greater things. I totally agreed with the first part, because she simply was the first woman I loved with such abundance and zeal. We often quibbled about the last part though. I used to say, “I already have a mum and dad, Claire. Stop parenting me.” That was about the only thing I could say to tick her off. She was pushing fifty then, and comments alluding to her age didn’t sit very well. I once said, “The fact is that you are more than twice my age, and no nip and tuck is going to change that.” She didn’t speak to me for several days after that. When she finally did speak again, she said, “My corrective surgery may have cost me financially, but this little affair is starting to cost me emotionally, Lee. Once I’m done with this bloody menopause, I think I’ll go for an older, distinguished gentleman.” That shut me up for a couple of days.

All this to say that age did play a significant part in our relationship. In a way, I did see her as a mentor, I would have been crazy not to take advantage of her experience in life and love. I just really hated it when she rubbed it in. It wasn’t the easiest of affairs though. Another one of her frequently voiced principles was, “A relationship is a choice, Lee. If you want to be with me, I need you to choose me, time and time again.” She certainly didn’t make that easy for me either. Because, let’s not forget, apart from the age gap, there was also the ever-present business of having to deal with sex with strangers.

When Claire told me about the first time she strayed, we were talking on the phone and I felt an instant heat of rage and panic surge through my body. I couldn’t handle speaking to her for several days. The thought of hearing the voice that had spoken those damned words, You should know that something happened last night, made my insides quiver. Before that call, hearing her voice had always been a treasured moment, and now I was dreading it. Three days later she called my boss Theresa, and asked her if she could put me on the phone. Theresa talked to me about a lot of personal stuff, but I didn’t always return the favour. I hadn’t told her about Claire’s rules because they were colleagues, we were all colleagues at the time, and technically, they were both my boss. So, Theresa just patched me through, and before I knew it, I was having the following conversation on my office phone.

“Hey you. Are you ready to talk to me now?”
“This is hardly the place and time, Claire. I’m at work.”
“If you had picked up your mobile when I called, we wouldn’t have to talk about it now.”
“Yeah well, maybe I was trying to make a point. Obviously, you didn’t get it.”
“I was worried about you, Lee.”
“That fills my heart with joy.”
“I know it’s not planned, but I’m clearing my schedule and I’m coming to London this weekend. If that’s OK with you, of course.”
“I’m so glad you’re checking with me first. You should make a habit of that.”
“You’re obviously very angry. We need to talk about this face to face.”
“Fuck Claire, if I had known being with you was going to be this painful, I would have walked away when I had the chance.”
‘It doesn’t have to be this painful.”
“Well, it is. I’ll see you on Friday then.”

To be continued…