Claire and I didn’t get back together. Clearly there was some love left between us, but I soon realised it was never going to be enough to overcome our differences in age, outlook and aspirations. It was time to move on. I had to break all ties with her so I left the apartment on Rue Sorbier and moved back into my room at Avenue Foch. I realised that if I really wanted to move ahead, I would have to leave Paris. My plan was to save as much money as quickly as possible and relocate again. Staying with Christine and Marie would allow me to do this in a matter of months. Marie was happy enough to take me back in. I knew she had a crush on me and I cold-heartedly abused it. She let me. As expected, Louise broke up with me when I told her about my philandering with Claire. It was a sad business to get through but we both understood it was never really meant to be. With the emotional side of things taken care of, I had only one question left: where to go next?

I decided to return to London. I wanted to be around people I loved and trusted. I didn’t have the energy to start all over again in another city, although Marie did make me some offers I almost accepted. She and Christine had a villa in Cannes, a chalet in Switzerland, a loft in New York and a house in London. But they had given me enough. Not that I had not returned their numerous favours, but there was only so much more of that I could take. I was sure Liz would take me in until I found a suitable flatmate, and a job to pay the rent. Back to London it was. Back to Alex, Liz and Theresa. And Nathalie, Anna and Katy. Back home.

Until romance got the better of me I had loved life in Paris. But Paris was Claire’s city and the idea of Claire was so entrenched in its streets, cafés and restaurants, it hurt me every time I ventured out. Staying was not an option because I could only see myself going back to her every time I had a moment of weakness. And I was weak. Not even being with Louise kept me away from her. I came to Paris to be with Claire and I left it to escape her. I had high hopes for London and I dreamt of a less dramatic life there. I hadn’t fully realised yet that drama doesn’t come with a city, it comes with a person and I was that person. Oh well, onwards I went.

Marie offered to throw me a little goodbye gathering at Avenue Foch but I didn’t want a big do. I wanted to leave Paris by the back door, somehow it didn’t feel suitable to have a grand exit. I felt a sense of failure when it came to the city I had long dreamed of living in, but had not succeeded in making my own. It was Claireville and in my heart it would remain that way forever. I said my private goodbyes to Louise, Vincent and the other friends I had made. I had an exuberant farewell dinner with Christine and Marie who had been so generous to me. And I sent Claire a short e-mail. It just read: “Bye, for now. Call me when you are in London. We can have dinner.” I never was an expert in firmly closing doors.

To be continued…