Jennifer hid it well. I had more trouble concealing my emotions from Kim and especially Jack. When you live in the same house you quickly learn when someone feels a bit off-balance. Luckily Jack had just met a guy he had fallen head over heels for. He filled the house with some much needed − on my part at least − silly romantic energy, as it took away the spotlight from the guilt that must have shown on my face. I needed an excuse to not spend as much time with them as before so one night, over dinner, I solemnly announced I wanted to start dating again and I asked my three house mates if they knew of any eligible candidates.
Jack, in his usual discreet manner, stated, “It’s about time, Lee. How long has it been? You must be as dry as a desert down there.” This caused Jennifer to nervously shuffle in her chair, but no one noticed but me.
“I told you about my colleague Olivia, right? We can finally go on that double date,” Kim said. A couple of weeks earlier she had said she wanted to introduce me to a new colleague of hers. I had shrugged it off then, claiming I wasn’t ready. The thought of going on a date with Kim and Jennifer tagging along hardly enthused me now, but I faked it.
“Sure, I’m curious to meet her. Maybe this weekend?” Jennifer gave me one of her silent looks of doom, she could stare you into death if she put her mind to it.
“Ooh, lesbian date night galore this weekend. Excuse me ladies, but I will stay well away from that,” Jack giggled.

So I had a date with an available woman to look forward to, but it didn’t stop me from beating myself up for my lack of self-control and, even worse, my growing attraction towards Jennifer. I could only hope this date would snap me out of it. Where I had failed to see her beauty before under the guise of friendship and such, it had now started slapping me in the face continuously. At breakfast when she showed up in the kitchen wearing nothing but a faded tank top and boxers, the light hue of their fabric drawing my eyes to the darkness of her skin. Since arriving at the house Jennifer and I had formed a habit of watching the morning news together, swooning over Sian Williams, commenting on the impossible tightness of her dresses and cursing whenever she was replaced by Susanna Reid. What had once been harmless morning fun had now turned into sheer agony because we were watching the friendship we had built crumble before our very eyes. So I started getting up later, waiting for the drum of the shower, to have the kitchen − and Sian − to myself. But then there were the evenings when I saw Jennifer and Kim sprawled out on the couch, their legs all tangled up, just like mine had been with Jennifer’s that night. It was an easy conclusion that I had to get out of the house more and put myself out there. It was time.

If Jennifer had any feelings for me after that night, she did a very good job of hiding them. I was amazed by the cool with which she moved through the house because I as good as flinched every time I passed her on the stairs. I wouldn’t say I was falling for her, but I was clearly shaken by what had happened. Maybe a date was exactly what I needed. I just wished Jennifer didn’t have to be there.

To be continued…