I had to tell someone. It was easy enough for Jennifer to demand silence of me. It was essential for the survival of her relationship, but I was single and becoming increasingly unhappy with the sight of her and Kim. I didn’t want to break them up and I didn’t want Kim to find out, I just wanted to get over it and, if possible, move on and keep my place in the house. On the rare occasions that Jennifer and I found ourselves alone we never alluded to it, as far as she was concerned it had never happened, which was driving me slightly crazy. It seemed unfair because she had been the one who had started it. But she had the ability to completely shut down her emotions and bury herself in silence − the silence was the worst. And then there was the minor fact of me pining for her more and more as each day passed. What had begun with a hand on my knee had transformed into a full-blown affair in my head. At night, alone in my room, except for Tiger purring on the pillow next to mine, I dreamt up every possible scenario that could land Jennifer in my bed, half-naked on the couch, or fully clothed in the broom closet for all I cared, as long as she touched me again. I even managed to shut Kim out of my fantasies completely, like she didn’t exist anymore. I don’t know which part was more horrible, conjuring op erotic thoughts of her girlfriend or erasing my friend’s presence entirely in my mind. Because Kim was my friend, we were close, but it’s not easy bridging the distance when there’s a secret like that in the way.

To make matters worse she kept asking me about Olivia. Sure, Olivia was great and pretty and wonderful, I had to agree with that, so why wasn’t I pursuing it more? How was I supposed to explain that to Kim? I had no real interest in seeing Olivia again, until my good friend Alex told me I had no choice. A couple of nights after the double date I went over to his place and just blurted it all out. I must have looked pretty miserable because the moment I walked in he poured me a large glass of wine and asked, “Tell me, Leesbian. What’s on your mind?”
“Oh Alex, I think I’m in love.”
“What’s with all the moping then?”
“I only had to pick the most unavailable woman again.”
“Who is it? Didn’t you go on a date last weekend? Did Kim set you up with a married woman? That’s pretty stupid.”
“If only. It’s hardly Kim’s fault. Although she is part of the drama.”
Alex looked at me puzzled. He ran his index finger through the stubble on his chin, the way some men do when they’re about to reach a conclusion. He was a good friend, he wasn’t going to make me spell it out for him. He narrowed his eyes. He knew.
“Well, it has to be either Kim or Jennifer then. My money is on Jennifer because Kim is way too straightforward and just plain nice for you to fall for.”
I nodded and confirmed, “Indeed, I slept with Jennifer.”
Alex’s eyes grew to the size of saucers, or at least they did in my imagination. He was speechless for a second, but soon found his voice again.
“Pardon the language, Lee, but, you slag. Tell me all about it.”
So I gave him all the facts, laced with some despair and longing. I told him about the cinema incident, the indecency in the couch and the double date. We sat in silence for a minute and then he said, “The way I see it you have no choice but to go out with Olivia again. You must prevent Kim from becoming suspicious. And you like Olivia, right? So maybe something will spark if you only give it a chance. And who knows, maybe it will make Jennifer jealous. But do strike that last sentence off the record.”

To be continued…