I didn’t stay long after that. There was no point. My presence just hurt everyone more. I suppose I learned a valuable lesson that day − do not have affairs − but I loved Jennifer. Kim was obviously grieving for their relationship, being the one left behind, but Jen had her own battles to fight. When I saw them together in the living room, the way they addressed each other, I recognised something, and I was jealous. It made me realise I had never known love like that. I knew them as a couple, I witnessed the ease with which they lived together, day in, day out. There was no way anyone could just forget about all that, just because of some new girl − because of me. And I fully understood that Jen’s decision to choose me had not been an easy one. I also knew that a day would come that she would second-guess her choice.

I walked along the streets of Shoreditch. The sun was too engaged in a game of hide and seek with the clouds to give much warmth. This was a gloomy goodbye. I made my way to the tube station and went underground. I would only come back to move my belongings across town. I kept my fingers wrapped tight around my phone in case Jennifer called. We had vague plans for later, nothing definite. I thought about calling Eleanor, my new landlady − although I wasn’t allowed to call her that − to ask her how she felt about pets. Pets can be respectful. But I figured it would be best to wait until I had actually moved in. Instead, I called Alex. His relationship with Ben was on the rocks. Ever since the Hampstead Heath incident and Alex’s reckless flight to Berlin, where he had gotten the hots for Lars, the German hunk we spent our Sunday afternoon with, they had been fighting. I wondered if they would make it. It went straight to voicemail. What was he up to on a Saturday afternoon?

On the tube I saw a woman who reminded me of Lucy. What was her deal anyway? I had to admit, I had no idea. I was moving in with her aunt next week, so if she was up to something, I would find out soon enough. At least my job was secure for now, and I could leave Liz and Andrew to enjoy the pregnancy in peace. I was sleeping in that baby’s future room. Theoretically, things were looking up, why did my heart feel so heavy then? It was the faint smile on Kim’s face when she had spoken to Jen. I had noticed it, so Jennifer could not possibly have missed it. It was the fact that Jen, although I expected her to spend most of her time with me in Kensington, would still be living in the house, with Kim. Trust doesn’t come easy in affairs like ours. I was scared, scared of being cheated on, scared of Jen doing the same to me that she had done to Kim. It wouldn’t take much. Jack was hardly a homely person, and he had his own relationship to tend to. There would be times when Jen and Kim would be alone in the house. An unexpected smile, a kind gesture, a silly remark, a memory, so many things could spark the old fire between them. Would Jen think of me then? Or would she choose the familiar arms of her lover of four years? And how could I ever compete with that, even if she had picked me?

To be continued…

* * *
Hey vagitarians,

please allow me to interrupt your daily dose of dyke drama, just to announce some more. Today I released The Final Blow, the sequel to A Stray Hand. Once again, we slip into Jennifer’s skin, and we learn how she came to choose Lee.
All you need to know, you can find here (including a free copy of A Stray Hand!)