The scene brought back memories from a few weeks ago, when Lucy had kissed me. Back then, she had asked me first. She didn’t now. Her lips were slippery when they landed on mine and her tongue tasted salty. I was caught off guard − and a little tipsy. For the briefest of moments I kissed her back and that was all she needed. Suddenly her tongue and lips were everywhere. Her hands cupped my breasts and she pushed me down on the couch. Tears streamed from her face on my cheeks.
“Lucy, please, this is not right,” I said but she didn’t respond. Her hands tried to unbutton my shirt but she couldn’t hold them still enough. I grabbed her arms and held them away from me until they went limp.
“I’m sorry,” she said and sat up. She shook her head and let it fall into her hands. “God, I am so sorry.” She took a deep breath and started to get up but I took her hand and asked her to stay.
“We need to talk, Lucy. Don’t go.” She towered over me, her fingers resting in my hand.
“What can I say? I already said I was sorry. I want to be with you but clearly you don’t want me. There is nothing left to say.” The pit in my stomach grew heavier. She was right, there really were no words left. I had chosen Claire over her. She lowered herself onto the couch and sat down next to me.
“We have to find some way of being in each other’s company. I live with your aunt. I work for you.”
“What a bloody mess.”
“At least I’ll be away for a week.” Lucy smiled when I said that.
“I’m sorry about that. If you don’t want to go you don’t have to. I’ll come up with an explanation for the board.”
“It’s OK. I’ll go. It’ll teach me for sleeping with the boss.”
“Yeah, you really crossed the line there.”
“You’re lucky I’m not suing for sexual harassment.”
“As if you didn’t enjoy it.”
“Some more wine?” Lucy nodded. If we couldn’t talk about it, we’d drink to it.
“Promise me one thing,” Lucy said as she raised her glass.
‘What’s that, boss?”
“Promise me you’ll be happy,” she paused to clear her throat − or to mask her disgust. “With Claire. She must be really special.”
“She is to me.” I looked her in the eye to see her reaction. She didn’t flinch.
“Then you must go well together.”
“Oh please, stop it.”
“Have you introduced her to Auntie Eleanor?”
“No, it’s early days, you know. And it wouldn’t be very appropriate.”

We sat there for a while, drinking wine and avoiding the subject. I could hardly tell Lucy about my doubts. About how I wanted to be with Claire so much it frightened me and made me lose all sense of perspective. About how I would do anything to hear her say she loved me. About how weak I was. I admired Lucy for sitting next to me like that. If I had been in her position I wouldn’t have been able to. I loathed myself for hurting her, because I wasn’t exactly innocent. I knew my faults. She was not one of them. Or maybe just a little bit of one. When we said goodbye I kissed her on the mouth, because I knew she wanted me to. It was the least I could do. No tongue though.

To be continued…