“Yes, I believe it could be,” I said to Claire and the pout of her lips, that disturbing, distracting fold in her mouth that always threw me off guard.
“How do you know?” She sipped from her wine and slumped her body forwards, her hands inches away from my knees. I tried to bury myself a bit deeper into the couch.
“I just do.” She nodded and I had no idea how to interpret it.
“Like you did with me?” 
“Yeah, I guess, but differently. I’ve changed a lot since then.”
“Was she the reason you didn’t go home with me at Theresa’s party?”
“One of the reasons.” Some kind of amusement twinkled in Claire’s eyes, danced in the saturated brown of them, that autumnal colour I would never forget.
“This is a business decision, Lee, pure and simple. I understand your apprehension, but our company needs Lou and Alex. This has absolutely nothing to do with you.” I attempted to gauge her level of honesty by scanning her face, but, as ever, due to years of Botox abuse, it was void of indications.
“I wish I could believe you, but there are just no guarantees. Especially when Claire Burns is involved.”
“I’m not going to try anything with your girlfriend, Lee. Because that’s what you’re really worried about, isn’t it? I would never do that to you and I also wouldn’t be so stupid to risk everything, because my business is everything to me now, to somehow get back at you. I didn’t even know she was your girlfriend until you told Theresa.”
“What a fabulous declaration of intentions, Claire. The only problem is that your words mean so little to me now. And I just can’t get over the irony of finally meeting someone I’m really interested in, only to have her end up working for you. It just doesn’t sit right with me.”
“Well,” she said while jumping out of the couch with the vigour of a fifteen-year-old, “it looks like you’ll just have to get used to it anyway, baby.” She walked to the kitchen. “Time to eat.”

While she rummaged through some drawers I wondered what was normal about this situation and I decided I needed an outsider’s take on it − I needed Roz. 
“I can pull off a decent carbonara now,” Claire said, as she planted a large pan on the table. It didn’t even look half-bad. “Please, help yourself.” 
“Who taught you?”
“Marco, a friend from New York.” She sat down opposite me and the sudden cosiness of the scene struck me as very odd. I wasn’t supposed to be sitting in Claire’s house eating pasta. Or was this how it happened? Was this how we would become friends? I definitely needed Roz.
“A friend?” I cocked up my eye-brows to assure her I wasn’t exactly born yesterday either.
“A good friend.” The smirk with which she stated the obvious caused a pang of something unpleasant, something cold and bitter, to jitter through me. I shoved some spaghetti in my mouth to hide my discomfort.
“The bottom line is that if you try anything funny with Lou, I will set your bloody house on fire.” She laughed then. Long, loud giggles spurted out of her open mouth.
“It is serious then.” She poured us some more wine. “I will douse it in Gasoline and wait for you on the doorstep, Lee. I promise you that.”
“I’m glad we can agree on something.”
“Me too, baby, me too.”

To be continued…

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“It doesn’t matter, Lee,” Alex said, after long seconds of stunned silence, unable to hide the hesitant tremor in his voice. “You’re far more important to me than any account.”
“It’s not about me though, is it? This is about Claire.” I’d known Alex long enough to know what was important to him, and I would be the last person to stand in the way of his dream − no matter the cost. “And the opportunity she’s presenting you and Lou with.”
“What are you saying?”
“That you should go for it.”
“I couldn’t live with the betrayal, Leesbian. You know me, I’m sensitive like that.”
“The hell you are. And, as much as I appreciate your loyalty, it wouldn’t be a betrayal. This is business, Alex, I understand that.”
“It’s more than business.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s your life-long dream.”

Next, I tried to figure out a way to apologise to Lou and concluded that actions would make a firmer statement than another slew of lame sorries, so I texted Claire and confirmed my presence at her dinner. Then, all there was left to do was grow the maturity to cope with the psychological fallout of Alex and Lou becoming Claire’s employees, but they’d have to give notice at their current jobs, so I had some time to suss that one out.

On Wednesday evening, after work, I went straight to Claire’s house. I hadn’t seen her since Theresa’s party when I had dramatically walked out on her and her advances. I felt something flutter in my stomach when I rang her bell, something resembling nerves I wasn’t willing to accept. The last, and only, time I’d been at her house had ended the way it always did with Claire − in her bed.
“Hi Lee,” she said as she leaned against the door, one arm stretched upwards. “Long time no see.”
“I hope you didn’t go through too much trouble for little old me.”
“Don’t worry. We’re having beans on toast. I know you’re more a liquid dinner kind of person, anyway.” She smiled in that unsmiling Claire way, arrogant but not so much that it shut you out completely − however small, it was the opening that mattered. “Come here.” She grabbed my shoulders and kissed me on the mouth with just the right amount of intensity to make me doubt her motives for the rest of the night.

“I suppose I should thank you for finally giving your permission. Alex called me back for the first time this afternoon. He said he was willing to talk.” Claire was in the process of opening a bottle of Shiraz. I recognised two paintings on the wall opposite from where I was sitting from her flat in Paris. One day soon I would have to start dealing with the memories I had so expertly hidden beneath all the drama and the alcohol. “Your girlfriend, on the other hand, seemed eager enough from the start.”
“You can’t really blame her. She doesn’t know you the way Alex and I do.”
“And you haven’t told her?”
“Some things just can’t be conveyed to their full extent by mere words, Claire. Some things you have to experience for yourself to recognise the trauma they’ve caused.”
“You don’t seem too traumatised to me, Lee. You’ve even gone and gotten yourself a new girlfriend already.”
“I’m sure you’ve had plenty yourself.”
“You shouldn’t always automatically assume things about people, Lee. You’d be surprised how often you’re wrong.” She held up her glass. “To new beginnings,” she said. “Now tell me, is it serious between you and Lou?”

To be continued…

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“If it isn’t Claire Burns, breaker of hearts and expert at indecent proposals. Have you got a job offer for me as well? I presume the bulk of my tasks will need to be performed in the bedroom.” Lou’s facial expression quickly transformed from mild amusement to mortified shock. She couldn’t say it out loud, but I could see the words flicker in her eyes − question and exclamation marks included. You can’t speak to my future boss like that, they said. But I could. I could say whatever I wanted to Claire Burns. Years of heartbreak had earned me at least that privilege.
“Hi Lee, we should talk. Are you free for dinner tomorrow evening?”
“What do you want to talk about, Claire? If it’s my girlfriend, don’t bother.”
“You seem to have some misconceptions about my motives. I just want to make some things clear. Bring Lou if you want. Whatever makes you feel most comfortable.” Hearing Claire say Lou’s name inspired an almost-forgotten rage in me. “Come to my house, it’s finished now.” I realised it wasn’t Claire I was most angry with. It was my own weakness that had allowed me to go back to her, time and time again, that enraged me more than anything.
“I don’t really want to−”
“I know you get off on playing the big martyr in your dramas, Lee, but you weren’t the only one who got hurt. I’m not saying you owe me anything, but we need to talk. That’s all. Think about it, let me know by tomorrow afternoon.” That was the problem with Claire − and possibly every other woman I’d ever fallen for − I just couldn’t win with her. My phone beeped violently into my ear, reminding me of the simple fact that Claire Burns always had the last word.

“Well?” Lou’s eye-brows were arched so high-up, I could only hope it wasn’t all expectation crammed in their skyward bow.
“She invited us to dinner tomorrow night.”
“I think you should go alone.”
“And I think both you and Alex should come, so we can all get a taste of what future office Christmas parties will be like. No warm fuzzy feelings next to the tree, only ice-cold chills and difficult conversations.” Lou shook her head in disbelief.
“Stop exaggerating, Lee. It’s all in your mind. You keep blowing things out of proportion. I wish you could see that.”
“Yeah well, unfortunately I shagged my therapist so I can’t get psycho-analysed about it anymore.” I felt so cornered, so ganged-up on by two people who could never belong to the same gang, not by the longest stretch of anyone’s imagination. But as soon as I said it, I knew I shouldn’t have. Still, a frustrated, deep-lodged anger froze the words of remorse on my tongue. Lou stood up and walked out, just like that, without looking back. I sat there for a bit, hoping Eleanor would come home so she could sort me out in her gentle, non-scolding way, but she was knocking back her Tuesday night sherries and, knowing her, wouldn’t be back for hours. So I called the other party involved in this mess. Alex.
“Leesbian, shouldn’t you save the powers of your tongue for more important business these days instead of wasting them on a gay like me?”
“Not tonight, homie. This whole Claire Burns business is starting to get to us.”
“I told Lou from the start I would never do it, Lee. Not for all the money in the world. I have my own private, extremely well-toned bank at home, anyway.” 
“I take it you haven’t heard the latest, then. Sanders & Burns have booked Paul Smith as their client.” The silence on the other end of the line was so uncharacteristically long, it couldn’t be more clear − nor deafening. 

To be continued…

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My short-legged skips were no match for Lou’s lengthy strides and before I turned the corner of my street she had caught up with me. A dull sting inched its way forward from the back of my skull. I’d had about enough of conversations concerning Claire.
“Can I come inside?” Lou pointed her head towards the front door of Eleanor’s house a couple of feet further down the road. I hadn’t reached a stage in which I could say no to her yet, it was all still very yes yes yes, please do.
“Only if you fuck me in complete and utter silence.” Her eyes lit up and shone with the most loveable kind of mischief. No matter what she decided about the job, I’d accept it in the end. She started rolling a cigarette on the sidewalk because Eleanor’s house had a strict no-smoking policy. I had reached that stage in which I started making gentle disapproving comments about her nicotine habit, this time I shot her an offended, slightly disgusted stare, accompanied by a mild eye-roll.
“Maybe I should quit,” she said, but I knew it was only to humour me. She didn’t mean it.
“And maybe the world will be perfect when I wake up tomorrow.”
“Who knows? It just might.” The smile curling around her lips went straight to my gut, gripping me tightly, mercilessly, leaving me no choice but to kiss her against the cold brown-bricked wall.

Later, we lounged in Eleanor’s couch, glad to have the house to ourselves, enjoying its spacious roominess.
“I told you about my friend Vic coming back this weekend, didn’t I?” Lou asked.
“Only a million bloody times.” I was just teasing, relieved that the topic was something else than Claire Burns. “She’s been away for a year, finding herself in Asia − how original − and will be staying with you until she figures out what to do with her life in London.
“I’m so excited. We grew up together. And she was my first.”
“How old were you?”
“Fifteen.”
“Someone started early.”
“Surrey gets pretty boring during grey wet summers. We had to do something.”
“I suppose there aren’t many other options apart from exploring lady love.”
“It was the first time I got my heart broken as well.”
“Did she dump you for a guy?”
“Several times.”
“But you stayed friends?”
“BFFs.”
“For some reason the term BFF coming from your mouth seems infinitely ridiculous.”
“I know, I normally wouldn’t use it, but I make an exception for Vic − the only exception.”
“She must be quite something.”
“She is. You’ll see.” As curious as I was to meet the infamous Victoria, little spurts of anxiety prevented me from anticipating her pending return in too joyous a manner. I’d never heard Lou speak so affectionately about anyone else before. I could only hope she used the same tone when she spoke of me to her friends and acquaintances. Then my phone rang. It was Claire. My first instinct was to hurl my mobile into another room and ignore the call completely but I just sat staring at it. “Who is it?” Lou asked.
“Claire.”
“Aren’t you going to pick up?”
“I don’t think so.”
“I think you should.” I pushed the green button and answered Claire’s call, but only because I couldn’t say no to Lou yet.

To be continued…

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If only it had been as easy as Alex dismissing Claire. Claire would not accept defeat after the first no, nor would she after the twentieth. I knew that and Alex knew that, Lou on the other hand, hadn’t the faintest idea who she was dealing with. As Claire deployed her strategy of adding small but significant bonuses with every new offer, I could see the pound signs flicker brighter and brighter in Lou’s eyes.
“I didn’t go into advertising for its moral values, you know. This is my chance to make some serious money.” It was a week after Claire had made her first move and Lou and I had ventured out on an evening stroll through Kensington.
“I understand the money’s alluring, but−”
“I had a lunch meeting with Claire today,” she blurted out. “I wasn’t going to say anything yet, but I have trouble grasping why everyone believes her to be such a manipulating bitch.”
“Because she’s manipulating you into thinking she’s not. She’s the underdog now. The perfect position for her to operate from.”
“She’s you ex-girlfriend and a lot has happened between the two of you. I get that. But you’re the one who told me she had genuinely changed. And you’re the one who broke up with her.”
“That’s not the point. I don’t trust her.”
“What about me? Do you trust me?”
“Well yeah, but−”
“You work with your ex every day, which makes a far more compelling case for me to have trust issues with you.”
“Please, Lucy has nothing on Claire.”
“What are you saying? That she’s going to come after me? To spite you?”
“I don’t know, OK, but I don’t want to be put into a position in which I have to entertain the possibility.”
“The reason why she invited me for lunch is because they just landed a new client, and it happens to be the one brand Alex has never had the chance to work for despite his undying love for it.”
“Shit. They’ve got Paul Smith?”
“No. K-Y.” She tugged her mouth into a smile, one I normally wouldn’t be able to resist.
“This situation is not suitable for jokes.”
“Come on, Lee. Claire is not the devil. I understand that you don’t want her in your life, but life’s just not that perfect. We all have to deal with unwanted factors, especially where work is concerned, but this is such an amazing opportunity for us. Do you know how it feels to have an agency woo you like that? It gives me such a sense of accomplishment and I believe Alex and I could do great things with them. And then there’s the money.”
“I know I’m being selfish, but put yourself in my shoes. How would you feel if I went to work with your ex, the one that really broke you, the one that hurt you like no one else on this earth ever has, every single bloody day.”
“I’ve done nothing but that. This is not an easy decision. But maybe it’s time you started forgiving her.”
“Then what happens? I forgive her, we all go for coffee together and have a threesome as a light afternoon snack?”
“Oh Lee, if only you could trust me.”
“This isn’t just about trust. It’s more like preparing for the worst case scenario. Can’t you see why this is doing my head in? Claire has absolutely no regard for who she hurts when she picks someone to sleep with. She did it with Katy, she did it with Louise.”
“Listen to me. This is an offer to work for Claire and Theresa, not to sleep with them. It’s not because these things get messed up in your head that every one else thinks like that.”
“Fuck you.” I started walking away from her. Was I really being so unreasonable? And why did she speak as if her mind was made up already?

To be continued…

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